I have a warped sense of humor!  Steven Wright is my hero!

Sign seen on a local office:

Open promptly at 8:00am, although some days as late as 9:30am.

Lunch from noon to 1:00pm but often as early as 11:00am and occasionally until 2:00pm.

We close at 4:30pm although sometimes we close earlier or later.

Some days we aren't here at all!

Please call back!

I once saw this on a cash register in a General Store in Vermont:

Everyone makes us happy!

Some when we see their face,

Some when we see their back.

Everyone makes up happy!